The Workings of the Lord
In Jim and Cora
The Birth of Our New Anointing
September 29, 1987
With
the start of this new journal is the start of a new union – the union of Jim
and me in spirit. Just as our physical union produced our children – the sperm
and egg united and caused the birth of David and Jenny – so our spiritual union
is birthing the new anointing on our lives. I see Jim as the sperm and me as
the egg. We have come together and are just a tiny conception drawing life from
the Host – Jesus the Vine. Once the egg and sperm unite they no longer have
life of their own – they grow as one until the new life is fully formed and
birthed. Our conception means our lives being as one life in spirit. We draw of
the same nourishment from the vine – we do not look for our own individual life
but one united life.
Show
me more Lord. I realize I no longer have my ministry. I lay it down
Lord. Anything I receive from You is ours. My energy
and life are his too.
O
Lord, forgive me for I had dreams of my service, my ministry. I couldn’t see
how Jim fit in so I just went on. I never sought You about it – not really. I was self-centered and proud of how You were using me and readily accepted his exclusion and even blamed him for it. How much harm this brought to him. O Lord, utterly cleanse
me – utterly heal me. I lay it all down, even the bridge – it is us, for he has persevered too – perhaps more than I have. Open up the floodgates of
heaven now upon us as we come to You in our union.
Thank you that we are already conceived. We are one, though just a cell with no
form. We wait now and draw from You our life as we
grow and take form and enter into the ministry You have for us.
I
realize we could have gone on and been apart. Who knows (only You) what harm would have come had I pursued my ministry –
perhaps our marriage would have been harmed. I don’t even want to think of it.
Thank you Lord for showing me this great area of self that was in control.
Thank you for Your Lordship that swept it clean. And now we are free to grow in You.
I
see how my holding on to “my” growth and ministry kept the sap from flowing
into Jim. It put us totally out of order and off balance. It drained him dry
while I was flooded. Oh God forgive me and now restore him and nurture him.
All
of my seeking, prayer, obedience, all the glory set
before me – I lay it down on Your altar. Anything I considered “mine” in the
area of ministry, prayer, anointing, service, I acknowledge being Yours and to be channeled into us as You set fit.
Thank you God!
I
also lay down all the responsibility I’ve take on, even to feed him, and look
to You and Your Spirit to feed us as You see fit. Yes
it has always been me and You – all my writing, my growth – all about me and You. Thank you for stopping me. Praise You Lord.
Susie
and the team were sensing something not quite right. It was because I was still there – I was going to share with him and feed him and try to
bring him where I’ve been. Now Lord, nurture us in You.
I have never let him hear from You.
In
marriage I see the importance of order more clearly. Because we are one we can actually hinder each other by not behaving as one
– one withers as the other grows. Oh help the Body see that Lord.
Yes Your yoke is easy and Your burden light. I can
rest in You who will perfect this union. I was
perfectly willing to go on without him and he was discouraged enough to let me. How much grief for us all. You were waiting to do this
all along. Just as in the physical healing, a bridge is being made, so in this
order of our lives is a bridge being made. By letting Your order come to us it comes to earth – is manifested in us as we enter the
Kingdom that has been revealed to us. With this comes power. That is why my
intercession outwards toward the Body has stopped for the most part. You want
to do it here – in us and through that – our overcoming and obedience will be
made whole – in their marriages, ministries and bodies – all fitly joined
together.
As
I rest in this I know You will show me anything I am
to do. My prayers are all directed towards us and our nurturing and my ministry
is to be to You and to my husband. How joyous. There
will be plenty of time when we will go out after we are in order and birthed
here.
I
don’t know what to do now. I rest and I wait. I expect to hear a lot more
through Jim now. I was always trying to break away – to have my own individual ministry apart from him. Our happiest year was when he was my
project leader and we served together – me under him – that was the closest we
ever came to being in order. Even the sickness was a way to control my life – my individuality – to not be under him in God’s ordered place for
me. I didn’t realize it and even as You have been
healing me that individuality and separateness and desire to do my own thing apart from him was still there and came out even more with the
process I’ve been in. It came to a crisis when we were overtaken by it so You could heal it. It is a way of society, culture and I’m
sure generational that was attached to me and expressing itself through me. I
have been delivered! No wonder I had all that twitching when Jim and I came
together – manifestation of deliverance.
Now
my prayers instead of for my continued growth are for his growth as my
covering; for his leading in our calling; for his success in hearing You and guiding me. I can fellowship and worship You but I needn’t try so hard to get it all from You. You
will do it in us and I can receive from my husband. Yes it is indeed time for
me to be still and to receive.
I
see how in interceding for the Body I had to finally stop asking and let You work. And You are doing it
right here. I could keep going on asking and never be still to let You do it.
How interesting that it is in us Your doing it. By
stopping and letting You, the whole Body is helped. We
will see this in the time to come.
Focusing
on “here” is not selfish. It is doing what You are doing. For in bringing Your will to earth “here”,
the Body is healed “here” and “there” – “there” little springs in the desert
watering the dry ground.
How
important it is to start “here”. The problems are revealed the way they should
be revealed. We enter and then go out with power.
October 1, 1987
I
know I am not able to get to express what has happened to me without a lot of
confusion and distortion. I do realize that You have
brought me low and reached down to the enormous root that has controlled my
life and everything I have ever done.
I
know with stepping down and seeing what I’d done to Jim by being out of order
that there was much more involved. I knew I had to see what was in my heart –
what had motivated me. All morning yesterday You showed me segments of my life. I saw myself like an enormous magnet trying to
draw attention to itself at the exclusion of others – a very strong force.
– and the need to be the best (perfectionism), deceiving even myself to keep
that image; the breakdown at 16 when I couldn’t do it anywhere – pushing Joyce
out – starving her; pushing others out; always pushing others out to be central
in someone’s life – whoever was my target of affection. I still didn’t see what
it was until You took me all the way with it. I even
tried to do it with You. I can’t even write it down
because it’s too ugly but imprint it forever in me so I never forget it Lord.
PRIDE At that moment of crises I saw myself as Satan – the most
vile sin against God and man. From this enormous root, all the wrong
motivations and needs grew, all the fears attached to it. Even after You delivered me from the fears and met the needs I was
trying to meet, PRIDE took hold in bigger ways. Deprived of all it’s offshoots, it manifested fully and culminated at the
Cross. I am still so shaken. I want only to be the least in Your Kingdom – I
have never lived any other way and don’t even know how. BUT I realize You are in me. I can’t feel delivered yet except that I see
the awfulness of all I’ve done and have turned in disgust –seeing it as You do. I guess I don’t want to ever be in a position for
that to happen again. My hope is in You alone for I know I cannot and never have lived
any other way. This has been the yoke around my neck. I praise You for breaking it. Although I sit in darkness and sadness
now at Your feet – my life in the dust – I don’t even
want to get up. I just want to sit before You and be
You r child. I am in awe of the great gulf You spanned Jesus in that You have
loved and used me and communed with me in that state. How unsearchable is Your love – how bottomless and how complete is Your
justification and the work You have done at the Cross in restoring us to right
standing with the Father.
I
know You are restoring me to be a wife and I am glad.
I don’t desire to do great things – just to be Your lowly servant. Teach me to fit in and be a good wife. Show me the joys of my
family fitly joined together. How much harm our unjoined
state has caused. Thank you that You are fitly
joining Your Body together. Yes Lord, start here. Bring the pride of men to the
dust - all our ministry and everything we think You need us to do. Let me just be transformed. The biggest thing I can do is to
simply let You have Your way – to walk humbly with
You. You are well able to take care of all I thought I had to do.
I
have spoken much and in great haste about things I have not known. No wonder You wanted me to be silent. And all I want now is to be
silent before You, bowed down beneath Your holy and
awesome omnipotence – to wait for You to restore me – to be patient before You
for I have sinned grievously against You. Thank you for forgiving me and
cleansing me. I know as time passes I will feel Your love again and will better be able to sort out what You have really said and
what has been polluted and profaned by pride. Its too
soon – the sacred things have been polluted and I cannot see the good from the
tainted. I must patiently wait for God will restore me and He will be a light
for my path. I look forward to sitting before You and
being anything You want me to be. Right now I would cringe at any thought of
position or speaking or sharing. It is all too fresh and I don’t yet know Your humility in me. Fill in every place Lord. Sweep me
clean and seal up the place where pride has dwelt. Set me utterly and
completely free. I acknowledge You only.
I
realize that when I surrendered to You in 1986 (an act
totally of You, not of me as I thought) You did take me and transform me. The
fears and motivations and heart-exposing You did made
way for this. It allowed this to grow and be magnified and surface so You could pull it all out.
Even
how I entered the Kingdom was deceiving and my Baptism – so much I am ashamed
of. I didn’t know You at all. I was doing it all
mostly for men. How low down I am in the Kingdom and I have looked for the
specks in their eyes while the board has blinded mine. I pray Your Kingdom
advances more quickly now that I am out of the way. Oh Lord I just want to stay
very close to You.
Psalm 73:6 “Therefore pride is about their neck as a chain”. Prov.
29:23 “A man’s pride will bring him low but he who is of a humble spirit shall
obtain honor.”
Prov.
15:33 “The reverent and worshipful fear of the Lord brings instruction in
wisdom and humility comes before honor.”
Isaiah
66:2 “Thus says the Lord, ‘Heaven is My throne and the
earth is My footstool. What kind of house would you build for Me? And what kind can be My resting
place? For all these things My hand has made and all
these things have come into being for
Matt.
23:12 “Whoever exalts himself with haughtiness and empty pride shall be humbled
(brought low) and whoever humbles himself – who has a modest opinion of himself
and behaves accordingly shall be raised to honor.”
O
Lord, all my big talk – forgive me – utterly
change me. I lean on You that You will never desert me
to my foes (or to MYSELF)
Psalm
30:32 “If you have done foolishly in exalting yourself, or if you have thought
evil, lay your hand upon your mouth.”
James
4 “He gives us more and more grace [power of the Holy Spirit to meet this evil
tendency and all others fully]. The Spirit whom He has caused to dwell
in us yearns over us and He yearns for the Spirit to be welcome with a jealous
love. God sets Himself against the proud and haughty but gives grace
continually to the lowly – those who are humble minded enough to receive it. So
be subject to God. Stand firm against the devil; resist him and he will flee
from you. Come close to God and He will come close to you. Recognize that you
are sinners; get your soiled hands clean; realize that you have been disloyal,
wavering individuals with divided interests and purify your hearts of
your spiritual adultery. As you draw near to God be deeply penitent and grieve,
even weep, over your disloyalty. Let your laughter be turned to grief and your
mirth to dejection and heartfelt shame for your sins. Humble yourselves feeling
very insignificant in the presence of the Lord and He will exalt you. He will
lift you up and make your lives significant. Who are you to pass judgment on
your neighbor? You do not know the least thing about what may happen tomorrow.
What is the nature of your life? You are really but a wisp of vapor, a puff of
smoke, a mist that is visible for a little while and then disappears into thin
air. You boast falsely in your presumption and self conceit.”
James
5;9 “Do not complain brethren against one another so
that you yourself may not be judged. Look! The Judge is already standing at the
door.”
“You
know how we call those blessed (happy) who were steadfast – who endured. You
have heart of the endurance of Job and you have seen the Lord’s purpose and how
He richly blessed him in the end in as much as the Lord is full of pity and
compassion and tenderness and mercy.”
Zeph.3:7
“Let her reverently and worshipfully fear Me, receive
correction and instruction and
Zeph.3:9
“Then changing their impure language I will give to the people a clear and pure
speech from pure lips that they may call upon the name of the Lord to serve Him
with one unanimous consent and one united shoulder bearing the yoke of the
Lord.”
Dan.
4:37 “Those who walk in pride He is able to abase and humble.” Prov.
11:2 “When swelling and pride come then emptiness and shame come also; but with
the humble – those who are lowly [who have been pruned or chiseled by trial]
and renounce self – is skillful and Godly Wisdom and soundness.”
Jer.
49:16 “The pride of your heart deceived you!”
Obadiah
3:11-12 “The pride of your heart has deceived you. Though you mount on high as
the eagle and though you set your nest among the stars I will bring you down
from there says the Lord. You should not have spoken arrogantly in the day of
their distress.”
Dan.
5:20 “When his heart was lifted up and his mind and spirit were hardened so
that he dealt proudly he was deposed and his glory was taken from him.”
Mark
7:20 “What comes out of a man is what makes him unclean and renders him unhallowed.
For from within out of the heart come base and wicked
thoughts … coveting … pride … this is the sin of an uplifted heart
against God and man … all these evil purposes come from within and make the man
unclean and render him unhallowed.”
Ps.
19:10 “They are enclosed in their own prosperity and have shut up their heart
to pity. With their mouth they make exorbitant claims and proudly and
arrogantly speak.”
With
pride stripped away I have become naked before You and
myself. It was my covering – my way of becoming something for I am nothing at
all. I have always been afraid of rejection. I have never loved or received
love - I don’t know how. I have tried to earn approval and acceptance. I tried
to be good for my parents, especially after seeing Joyce rejected. It fueled my
fear. I did all sorts of good works to try to prove to myself that I was good.
I couldn’t face the fact that I am evil through and through. I deceived myself
and tried to become liked by others, especially those over me. When I was 16 it
all fell apart and I broke down. Rejection overwhelmed me. I had no way to make
myself acceptable so I wanted to die. I saw me as I am and for a time could do
nothing about it. As I recovered I could not let myself be hurt that way again.
I had to be perfect. I had to agree with everyone. I could never disagree or
have another opinion. I had to fit in. As I went on I tried to do more and more
to appear good and wonderful. Every time it failed I either ran away or broke
down.
As
a wife I never really could receive my husband’s love or fully give him mine. I
couldn’t even love my kids. As a Christian I tried to get approval first of
pastors and other Christians. Then as I got to really know the Lord I had to
impress Him too. On and on it went. I see that I could not receive anything
from God on my own because I didn’t think You would
accept me. I didn’t accept myself so how could You accept me? I hated myself and had to patch my life up all the time. I realized
if the healing was for Your Body then You would do it.
I didn’t think You would do it for me so I had to make
reasons for You to do it. I didn’t think You’d do it
until everything was okay – until I was somehow pleasing to You.
Today
in all my hurt and brokenness I came to You and asked You to heal me just for
me – not for the Body but for me – because You love me. I came with nothing to
offer and no works, nothing in order – I came in Jesus’ Name and only Jesus’
Name. I think that’s the first time I’ve ever come in Jesus’ Name – on Your merit and Your finished work alone, not trying to add
anything to it or to even offer anything for it.
I
repent of hating myself Lord. Please cleanse me and let me love You just because You made me. Let me see myself from Your eyes of love as Your creation, created in the image of
Christ. And since I’ve come for healing, appealing to Your mercy for me – for
Cora alone based on acceptance in Jesus alone and by His work on the cross – I
know You have heard me and that You must come to me. I don’t understand why I
do not already see Your deliverance but I refuse to
doubt You. Your love is proven even by Your stern
discipline of me so I know I am an accepted child and not by what I’ve done.
Lord if there are any more blocks in me, remove them
all in Jesus’ Name. Set me free in Jesus’ Name and for His sake. Let me know Your love and what it is to love and be loved in Jesus’
Name.
I
tried to make You happy and have You love me by coming
to You always – by staying with You day and night. Now I receive Your love which is given freely – not because I come or
don’t come, but because You give it. I didn’t know what makes You happy is for me to receive You. I can never earn Your love – You give it to me anyway because You want to. I
have never received Your love freely. You don’t make
requirements on me of course. I’ve never really loved You because I haven’t
received Your love freely – I haven’t known You first love me.
The
healing is not proof that You love me - You already
love me - It is because of Jesus’ stripes which flowed out of Your love.
I
see the big place in me that needed love. Pride filled it – all the hurts and
rejection caused me to cover them with pride because I didn’t know You wanted to love me. That pride filled me all my life,
covering the hurts so I couldn’t give them to You. I
give them to You and all the rejection – all incidents
You have shown me.
Now
fill that BIG empty place with Your love Lord. I
receive Your love into that place in Jesus’ Name. I
see the big place Lisa saw – where PRIDE lived. After it vacated I was left
empty and wide open. All along I wanted and needed love – I wanted and needed You. It was the place in me where You were to dwell but it got filled with other things because I never knew I could
just receive that love.
October 2, 1987
In
the night, You spoke much to me about Your love – how
You wanted me to receive it. That You love me not
because of anything I could ever do – not because You want to use me but
because You love – You are love. If I never did anything You would love me – You always have loved me. And I see how all I’ve done was so
empty – motivated by the Law. I only just saw that today – I have stumbled over
the Corner Stone – my salvation has still been through
works. I even tried to do what Jesus did to get it. I have been bound all my
life. As I received You Jesus, giving up my filthy rags, I realized the Way to
receive God’s love is only through You. It is not
because You feel sorry for all I’ve suffered and because You understand how I
tried to make my own way – it is only because Jesus paid the price – because I
am restored to You by the Cross – that is my only way to receive Your love. As
I have entered in there has been much manifestation of deliverance. I don’t
know if I have seen it all yet. I only know You will never,
no never, no never forsake me or desert me to my foes which are all around me.
I am not frightened because I know it is You Who has drawn me to the place and
opened by eyes. I can do noting but wait and let You finish this work You began. I cannot figure or add to it in any way. I know I
have leaned everything on to You and laid down
everything and given You everything as You have revealed it. You have stripped
away layer by layer – now we are down to the Law. Thank you. You have already
broken its power – it cannot hold me and if anything is beneath it, You will expose that too. I wait on You my Lord. I acknowledge only You. I see why I must not
be hasty to draw conclusions or go away from this place. You are working
mightily to save me and deliver me from my foes that have held me captive. I
trust You Lord.
Today
I saw in Romans where I’ve been. I keep thinking You have gotten me to the bottom – the taproot – and then there’s more … so I wait.
(I thought pride was the taproot – then the need for love – now I see the Law.)
How good that I don’t have to be concerned – You will do it all. Boy do I know
I can’t do it!
Romans
9:31-33
I just realized I couldn’t receive Your love because I had not received right standing
with You first by faith in Jesus –all my works and the Law kept me from Your
love (and I couldn’t receive Your healing because I had not received Your love)
As it is written, Behold I am laying in Zion a Stone that will make men
stumble, a Rock that will make them fall; but he who believes in Him (who
adheres to, trusts in and relies on Him) shall not be put to shame nor be
disappointed in his expectation. (I have been on a wrong foundation. No
wonder I have not been able to receive from You!) You
are truly restoring me to You!! You are taking me back
to where I stumbled. See Romans 10:2-11.
I
am the righteousness of God in Christ. I am now a new creation. I am a
little child – all my previous hearing was tainted by pride and the LAW and all
its offshoots. Now I come as truly in Christ to receive Your love and healing and the renewing of my mind. I see why this testimony has had
to be bound. O Lord I dare not do anything until You have fully released me – how soiled it has all been and I don’t even know yet
what has come from you apart from all the bondage. Your pure wisdom undefiled –
I come humbly to receive. See also 2 Kings 2:19-22 and Psalms 18.
Psalms
18
I
will call upon the Lord, Who is worthy to be praised; so shall I be saved from
my enemies. The cord or band of death surrounded me and the streams of
ungodliness and torrents of ruin terrified me. The cords of Sheol surrounded
me; the snares of death confronted me and came upon me.
In
my distress when seemingly closed in I called upon the Lord and cried to my
God. He heard my voice out of His temple and my cry came before Him to His very
ears. Then the earth quaked and rocked; the foundations of the mountains
trembled, they moved and were shaken because He was indignant and angry.
He
reached from on high. He took me. He drew me out of many waters. He delivered
me from my strong enemy and from those who hated and abhorred me for they were
too strong for me. They confronted and came before me in the day of my calamity
but the Lord was my strong support. He brought me forth.
See
Psalms 118 and Isaiah 610
I
have been encased in darkness and even confusion. The LAW and PRIDE have tried
to have me again. My body is sore and tired from the shaking it went through
this morning. I tried to search Your Word and began to get confused – I must be
still and quiet and confident. You have heard me and accepted me through Jesus
and accepted and heard my prayers in His Name for healing. You are in the
darkness coming to cut off my enemies and make an end of them. They cannot see
Your Hand ready to strike – already lifted against them. I can’t see You either but I know You are approaching. I cannot try to
understand. I only wait for I shall not be disappointed or put to shame. They
shall in no way have me – I am Yours. (Ps. 18:9-18)
October 5, 1987
This
has been a time of darkness, fear and confusion. There were physical
manifestations in church after communion and again with the prayer team. My
heart felt like it was broken and I just wanted to die. I was unable to turn to You or find Your love. The agitation left after much
prayer by the team. I have no idea right now what You are saying to me. I know I need to back off and rest. I am so weary Lord. But
the good thing is, even though I’ve seen all I did and what I’m like, even
though I completely lost it and became afraid, even wanting to die rather than
go on, even though I turned on You in my confusion and even though I may have
been doing everything wrong – I still know You love me. You are coming to heal
me and I just surrender myself to Your protection to
rest in Your arms and leave the timing and process to You.
I
still feel sad and broken and much like I can’t go on but I give that to You too. I know I can’t but I trust You. I feel like I can’t face another storm Lord – my
enemy has been too much for me. And yet here I am, alive and still safe in You – battered and shaken and downcast, yes – but still Your
child and still knowing You will completely restore me to You and to my family.
So
I go now Lord to do and think pleasant things. I leave myself in Your protecting Hands – to Your restoring power. I don’t try
to get it - I can’t – I just expect You to do it apart from any effort on my
part. Maybe that’s where I went wrong – all that striving. But I will not try
to understand right now. You will restore me and flood my path with light
again. You will help me to go on. You will never abandon me to my foes. And You will have Your desire with me no matter what I do. I
praise You out of my brokenness Lord. I feel nothing
right now but the brokenness. Receive my praise for I do love You.
October 8, 1987
Yesterday
I returned to my waiting on You. I realized that I had
been hindered and pushed away from it by many enemies. Every sort of evil came
upon me in my weakness and vulnerability. Everything I have been delivered of
sought to take me but they couldn’t hold me – not for long. I realize now that
they tried to bring every lie against You and I fell
for a lot of it because I was laid low and exposed – all my self-protection had
been removed by You and I floundered and fell for the lies - I doubted and was
uncertain. I did not receive Your forgiveness and
strength but went on mourning the things You had revealed. By not receiving Your cleansing I was open to many lies and doubts. And in
acknowledging You only I failed to see the enemy’s
advance – I didn’t realize that as I felt confusion, fear and darkness and
apprehension that I was to turn from it. Instead I acknowledged You in it – saw it as from You in some way. They stirred up
all kinds of strife against me but it was NOT from You and they fell away from me. (Isaiah 54) I must be very careful to turn from
fearful and anxious thoughts – to recognize but not acknowledge them – to turn
and acknowledge only You. It was a subtle
misunderstanding of what Your Word says and when You revealed pride and the law, I became emotionally undone. I expected to suffer
and be punished – I was open to all sorts of terror. I did not acknowledge Your nature but was tricked. Again I got up my expectations
and when I came to You on Sunday I was hindered – I
thought it was You. But You would never leave me that
way – no – they came upon me to keep me from You. They threw me around – they
made me afraid of You – they made me run from You – they tried to cut me off
because they knew You were delivering me and You loved me. But they could not
do it – here I am still with You. Nothing can
separate me from the love of God displayed in Jesus’ death for me. All the
confusion, pain, weakness, demons – nothing can
separate me.
And
yesterday I realized all You have said You are doing
is true. When pride was revealed, fear tried to take me away from the calling
but now I trust You to keep me from pride. You
have shown me what I am and yet You still love me this
way. I am not to be afraid. It is all You – I have not
done anything. The drive I’ve had is also You just as
Jesus was driven into the wilderness by Your Spirit. No one can understand it –
that is why I am to be silent – for my own good – it has caused me much grief
from man. Things are changing in the spiritual realm and we are gaining back
territory. Suddenly it will happen and no one will know why – no one will know
the price that was paid – but You do Lord and it is for You and by Your power
that it is done. I do not need for them to know. I’m sure we have no idea the
price that has been paid by many a saint for every freedom restored in revivals
and moves of Your Spirit.
I
see how they tried to make me look the fool – to take away my credibility. But You will avenge me and make that right too. I am not to
fear. And now I am to wait and rest quietly in You.
There is no need for big emotion here – it is dangerous and tends to take me
from clear thinking and make me vulnerable. This is a time for calmness and
quietness. It will not always be that way – there will be exuberant joy and
outward emotion soon enough.
I
see that I have always been in Jesus’ righteousness. You accepted me even in
the shaky, faulty way I came 17 years ago. But You wanted all of me and now You are cleaning out all that hinders me from
realizing Your nature and goodness. I could never have seen it or understood
it. It has taken much time.
I
realize that You wanted me to know how You were doing
this because of Your love for me and because it is Your nature. You drew me
away all alone to Yourself to tell me how much You
love me. This didn’t mean You weren’t using it for the
Body and all the desires I have carried and felt for so long which are Yours.
It only meant that that was not the reason You do it –
it is for me but You are using it also for them. You wanted me to know it was
not something You are doing which was not out of Your
love for me as an individual. It is first and foremost that but in Your wonderful bigness You are using it to do it for them
too and allowing me to serve You this way.
Self,
pride, fear, anxiety, the Law – all tried to take me back but they could not. I
am Yours alone and You will not let anything else have
even a small part of me.
I
know You will bring me out in just the right way and
it will all be done in perfect order. Jim will be in his rightful place. I
don’t know how our union will be accomplished anymore than I know how the
healing will be accomplished and yet I know they are accomplished. We are just
waiting for their revelation in us and it will come. We can do nothing to make
it happen.
2 Corinthians 6. We beg of you not to receive God’s grace in vain –
that merciful kindness by which God exerts His Holy influence on souls and
turns them to Christ, keeping and strengthening them – do not receive it
for no purpose! For He says, “In the time of favor I have listened to
and heeded your call and I have helped you on the day of deliverance. Behold
now is truly the time for a gracious welcome and acceptance of you from God –
behold now is the day of salvation.
Verse 4. Through great endurance in tribulation and suffering, in hardships and
privations, in sore straits and circumstances, calamities, in beatings,
imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless watching, hunger, by innocence and
purity, knowledge and spiritual insight, longsuffering, patience, kindness in
the Holy Spirit, in unfeigned love; by speaking the word of truth in the power
of God with the weapons of righteousness for the right to attack and for the
left hand to defend.
Verse
8 Amid honor and dishonor; in defaming and evil report
and in praise and good report. We are branded as deceivers and yet vindicated
as truthful and honest, treated as unknown and ignored by the world and yet we
are well known and recognized by God and His people as dying and yet here we
are alive; as chastened by suffering and yet not killed, as grieved and mourning
and yet always rejoicing, as poor yet bestowing riches on many, as having
nothing and yet in reality possessing all things.
2
Corinthians 5:9 We are constantly ambitious and strive earnestly to be well
pleasing to Him for we must all appear and be revealed as we are before the
judgment seat of Christ to receive our pay according to what was done in the
body (considering what his purpose and motive have been and what he has been
busy with and given himself and his attention to accomplishing. Therefore being
conscious of fearing the Lord with respect and reverence we seek to win people
over – to persuade them. But what sort of person we are is plainly recognized
and thoroughly understood by God and I hope understood by your conscience. For if we are beside ourselves (mad as some say) it is for God and
concerns Him; if we are in our right mind it is for your benefit. For
the love of Christ controls and urges and impels us.
Read
1 Cor. 4
So
all in all I see this striving towards You – this
drive is of You and by You. You are stripping off all the parts that were of
the flesh. The ways of the enemy could harass me and keep me from it, even
through men.
It
is Your working in and through me and it is for us
all. You have taken my biggest weakness and turned it into a trophy of Your strength and power. It is not a hasty, enormous,
emotional thing now but a quiet yet persistent endurance. I am reminded of
Jacob and his drive, although tainted by flesh, was used to bring him to Penile
where he held on for the blessing. Acts 20:24 says life is worth nothing unless
I use it for doing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus.
I’m
not to do it apart from Jim. He is my covering and I need his prayer and unity.
He is part of it too and has suffered in a different way but not in vain. We
will come out together. Lord let him see that his suffering and deprivation has
been used for Your Kingdom – his deprivation of a wife and his willingness to
share this that You are doing. Even now encourage his
heart and make real to him Your plan for us.
By
Your using me and speaking to me, he’s being overtaken by rejection – just as You let me be overtaken by fear, sickness, pride, etc. to
deliver me. You sent me into captivity to deliver me – to open my eyes, to
cause me to see the enemy clearly. Cause him to see it Lord and to turn from it
to You – to Your truth.
I
had fear of rejection too (I believe everyone does) but covered by the law and
pride. I took a different path and he has taken a path of loneliness and
shrinking back. Show clearly what has been his way of going. When I was
stripped of those coverings, rejection and fear overtook me but it could not
hold me because You are in me. Lord, reveal the
coverings in Jim – false coverings not of You – and
cause him to choose Your Word. Operating from pride I thought I could earn it
and exalted myself and went all out. He knows he can’t so he tries to debase
himself and lower himself to make himself acceptable. You want him to drop
those coverings.
A
false humility (because real humility can accept from God and knows and
acknowledges God can do it and will do it and lets go)
is really still clinging to self – it is abased because it sees its failure. It
hoped to do better for God but cannot so it despairs and can’t let go – a lot
like pride depends on self. One concentrates on what self can do while the
other concentrates on what self can’t do. Neither is submitted in faith to God
and doesn’t acknowledge God. Fear or pride causes a critical and judgmental
spirit.
False
humility is a form of pride. It cannot let God do it. It humiliates and whips
itself instead of turning to God. In a sense it is trying to do it – trying to
make its own way instead of coming through Christ alone. Unbelief is at
the root of both of our actions. We were forced to make our own way and many
things built on us from there.
Cora’s way: Sickness, Control, Fear , Anxiety,
Striving, Pride, The Law, Need for righteousness, Rejection, unbelief
Jim’s
way: False Humility, Fear, Anger, Critical judging, Despair, Shrinking back,
LAW, Need for love and righteousness, Rejection, Unbelief
Binding
and loosing is not just a bunch of word or prayers – it is action. WORD
AND DEED It is disallowing in us or in a circumstance that which is not
allowed in heaven and permitting to be and to flow that which is allowed in
heaven. It is a turning and uniting with the Lord – a casting and pushing out
of evil – taking every thought captive to the Lord Jesus Christ. It is watching
and when fear, confusion, pride, etc. come, turning, disallowing and
recognizing and refusing darkness – thinking on and receiving truth and light.
This is binding and loosing and it has great effect in the Kingdom. I guess in
praying for others it is discernment and action against darkness and release of
truth in prayer.
October 30, 1987
I
should have kept this up. As things go on sometimes I’m not sure I’m perceiving correctly as I wait. So much of what I think
and write turns out tainted by my blindness at the time. But I must record this
because real things are happening even if they are tainted in my understanding.
I
have seen Jim changing. He is feeling the burden and feeling the captivity. He
is crying out and hurting for the Body. This causes him to turn away from his
own personal struggles. He is changing. You are doing it for I have not
imparted these things to him and no one could believe in this darkness except
for divine revelation.
The
female affliction worsened and Jim had me go to Dr. D who declared it
bacterial. So far the antibiotics have not taken hold. I have been wearied with
pain. We aren’t sure what You are saying to us. I have
fallen miserably in my own counsel (to Susie who is wearied out with sickness
and strife) and yet You always pick me up. Today You promised I would see Your salvation – I wouldn’t have to
fight. Yesterday I began fighting – desperate to see the injustice of the enemy
destroyed for he lies about You and mocks Your Name. I
was angry and I fought bitterly against him. In the end I was defeated and for
a while lost my perspective and said wrong things in hate. And yet I never lost
the hold on You – the knowledge that You are my hope
and my right is with You for my need and protection and justice.
You
healed Valerie of tumors right before the awful operation. She was let go so I
see You moving in healing acts supernaturally and I
rejoice. I am almost certain we are in captivity – we have been captives for a
long time. The enemy has for a long time kept us blind and dull and has robbed
us of a genuine relationship – of finding our happiness in You.
Now we are overrun with sorrows, sickness and fears. We turn to the world for
our happiness because we don’t know how to find it in You.
But You have shown me (at least a small light) what
You desire for us and You have heard the cries of the prisoners who want You.
And You have caused us to seek You and to hope in You.
You will break the rod of the oppressor. Tuesday when I was in Your presence I experienced that – I even said it in prayer
– that the rod of the oppressor was broken. I know You spoke it because I was surprised when it came from my mouth. Maybe it was a
prophecy. Everywhere I see the trouble mounting – the Body in trouble – but how
few really seek You – they are too blind.
I
see demon oppression everywhere – even Clarence has had to reconsider this
concerning people he knows. And it is obvious in the world now that the activities of demons is overt and yet the Body of Christ
just accepts it – perhaps not even realizing what it is. We do nothing because
we do not know the power of Your Name.
I
have sensed that for the first time I have come in Your Name only. The enemy
has refused to acknowledge it. He believes You have
taken it from us and that his strength has brought him to victory. But You will never abandon Your Body. The gates of hell
shall not prevail against her. You stand ready to strike but they can’t
see it. You will defend the honor of Your Name and shown the enemy that You have loved me and others who are seeking You in earnest.
You will not suffer our feet to be moved.
You
have continued to cut me off from outside ministry (Valerie was an exception).
I have questioned it almost every time it has happened but as I have obeyed, You have confirmed Your way for me with peace and assurance.
Some day we will better understand the way You lead.
We will know Your voice and be led by Your always. The
voices of the liars will be cut off and their work destroyed.
I
have been grieved as I observe G and C, knowing somewhat what evil is occurring
and yet not being able to do anything. And yet I see Your hand everywhere – it must be there too. Perhaps You are bringing it to a climax to deliver them. Give Louis and Lisa discernment.
And
I have grieved for our church as some people left. G is doing poorly although he
still can’t face it and hides it from us. I know the vision You gave me is already happening. It hurts to see it but I remember that the end is
good. Hasten the day of healing Lord. Override the wills of men. Speak mightily
so Your people who are dull of hearing can hear.
Protect and defend Your people and heal us of our sin.
Show us the delights of our son ship that we will serve You joyfully forever. Bring repentance quickly Lord. Raise up the Body – defend those who, like us, have laid hold of You. Use us – fill
us and be glorified in us. Cause our hands to war and grant us success over the
enemy. Give us boldness to speak the Gospel as You confirm Your Word to Your languishing people.
Your
Word has become my food. It is the sustenance of my real life. If I went by
what I see there would be no hope but in Your Word is life. What I see is a
result of sin and our captivity. I can’t expect to see it all around me in this
realm now, but I expect to see Your Kingdom break into this realm. Part of the
problem with the Body is it doesn’t recognize the captivity so when what we see
is not according to Your Word we explain it away with our minds or we try to
claim it is so with our mouths when we desperately need to turn to You alone who is the author of all these things. It is good
both to hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
“Has
He forgotten to be kind to one so undeserving? Has He slammed the door in anger
on His Love?” Ps. 77:9
I
spoke too hastily when I said “the Lord has deserted me,” for You listened to my plea and answered me. Oh love the Lord,
all of you who are His people, for the Lord protects those who are loyal to Him
but harshly punishes all who haughtily reject Him. So cheer up! Take courage if you are depending on the Lord. Ps. 31:22-24
Don’t
you think that God will surely give justice to His people who plead with Him
day and night? YES! He will answer them quickly! Luke 18:7,8
Wait
for the Lord to handle the matter. Prov. 20:23
Rest
in the Lord; wait patiently for Him to act. Ps. 37:7
You
will not need to fight! Take your places; stand quietly and see the incredible
rescue operation God will perform for you. 2 Chron. 20:17
Let
us not get tired of doing what is right for after a while we will reap a
harvest of blessing if we don’t get discouraged and give up. Gal. 6:9
Be
patient like a farmer who waits until the autumn for his precious harvest to
ripen. James 5:7
Remember
the story of Hezekiah and Sennachorab – recorded 3 times in Scripture.
See
2 Kings 18-20; also in 2 Chronicles and Isaiah
It
is so strange. The infection continues. I’m on the second round of double
antibiotics, yeast cream and even on a diet now to keep yeast down. I’m in pain
and very downcast. My emotions are so unstable. I do what I don’t want to do –
complaining, crying and pouting in spite of my resolve to do better. All the
doctor hassle is depressing – I don’t know what to think. I realize my thoughts
are my enemies so I can’t pay them much attention. My spirit knows I will be
rescued but my flesh fails and emotions flounder all over. I feel like I cannot
go on and yet I go on. I know my hope is in You alone and although I feel
abandoned I know You are with me and that You keep picking me up.
It
is interesting that not only did we not get support from Redeemer but eight of
our regulars also missed so that our support is quite lacking at a time when we
are overrun with doctor and chiropractic bills and Jim even got a ticket for
$58. The size of the loss makes it pretty obvious this is a dart aimed at us to
depress and discourage us for the odds of such a thing are minute – no, this is
warfare. And how we need You Lord if we are to pull through in a way that
honors You.
We
are pressed in on every side. Jim has to go to
I
realize that everyone involved in this healing is under attack. Mike and Lisa
lost their house. Maggie was sick and Susie too. It must be that prayer does so
much even when we can’t see it. Who knows what is happening in spiritual places
while we wait and suffer. Who knows what good all this will bring. Our minds
are far too small. It seems senseless to even ask You to work in my way. I have no idea how you will deliver me and yet You have a plan. Why should I tell You?
How silly! No, I must rest in Your faithfulness no
matter how things seem for Your faithfulness will see me through. I am so
helpless, but You are my salvation.
November 14, 1987
I
am trying desperately to see where my lack of trust is coming from. I’ve been
greatly distorting and exaggerating the problem of the infection. This causes
Jim to want to take action – I press him into it – he has no idea how bad off I
am. How much is just fear and attitude? When I really look at it, I am not in
unbearable pain or dire straits. It is just the knowledge that the end is not
obvious – the annoyance and the aggravation and at times the pain being at a
high level – but I have given the impression to Jim of being physically at the
depths. My frustration and desire to see the end has caused me to grossly
exaggerate where I’m at in my mind – to take what is not extreme and, driven by
anxiety and forethought of how it might get, believe it is extreme and that by
taking action I will somehow reach the end of it. The desire to lay it on Jim –
to cast the weight of it elsewhere - drives me because I have not cast it on You.
If
I am realistic I am not well but I am improved. True, it should be all better
if the meds are really effective but I have no idea what will happen and have
assumed the worst. I have not trusted in any way then, forcing my husband to do
something in what he perceives as great need, I get in even deeper. Yes this is
some sort of snare. I have not really noticed it – I’ve been too busy fretting
and looking for deliverance.
I
have allowed myself to be overtaken much as before You delivered me. I don’t know why this has been so hard for me. Help me see
clearly Lord – I give this to You. You are my strength
and my redeemer, my deliverance and You will help me.
Cleanse me and snatch me out of these wrong thinkings. Forgive me and bless Jim
and meet his needs. Break any hold the enemy got because of my attitude – my
selfish attitude when I spoke to him, forcing him to take the place of You because I am not happy with waiting for You. Enlarge to
me what has happened here. How important for us to see how these things work.
Guard
me this night. Protect me from the medicine – cause me to see things clearly
and to trust You. Empower me and deliver me from all
this deception for I hope in You.
Because
I have had no sign of deliverance - at least not a real sure one – I have
assumed very wrongly and have panicked – I have looked constantly at dire
possibilities and sought desperately a way of escape – some way to bring this
to a conclusion. It has been far from left in Your Hands and my misconceptions
have caused me much trouble by forcing Jim to action because of my impatience
and fearfulness. I yield to You Lord. Show me the way.
My
panic and haste causes me to give a bad, inaccurate report of my status. It is
all actually impatience working in me, peppered with anxiety and fear and an unyielded
spirit. I have allowed myself to dread the future, to expect the worst and to
be thoroughly negative.
November 25, 1987
I
wish I had been keeping this up more faithfully. You are teaching me so much.
With the waiting has come so much I haven’t understood. Again and again I’ve
had to say no to personal ministry without really knowing why. I know You have given me so much and yet I cannot go out from here
apart from You. Except the Lord build the house they labor in vain. So much of
my labor has been in vain because it has not been in You.
A few weeks ago I realized the complete deadness of my state – there is nothing
I want in this world and nothing I want to do – my life as I knew it (the life
I built) has ended and I am as a dead one. I do what is necessary but I am very
aware of my life having ended. But You told me except
a kernel of wheat fall into the ground and die – what a joy this is – to know this death because now comes the multiplying that comes with the new life. I
have known You in Your crucifixion and I will know You
in Your resurrection. I wait for You to quicken this
new life, this body with Your resurrection power which is already in me. The
hope of the kernel of wheat has sustained me through what seems like a long
time. No way would I try to take back my life. I must have Your life. The personal awareness of the Cross has deepened this last week or so and
with it such a firm foundation is laid. I experienced in some way the deeper
revelation of Your atonement for me. I
understood how You had to shed Your blood for me.
I saw my sin – all the traps, the weaknesses and the resulting misery and
realized You My Savior had carried and borne all that weakness and sin and also
the sickness and consequences. In my entire affliction, You were personally afflicted – You who did no wrong had to bear my sin, my
guilt and my disease.
It
was necessary for Your blood to be shed for me because
You are a just and holy God. Oh the love that came to me in the Cross – I am
overwhelmed by what You did for me. This
personal aspect of the Cross has drawn me into Your love – seeing it applied to me – seeing that it is only through
the Blood I can come. If I were to sorrow and repent the rest of my days and
try my best to do better, I could not get anything from You – BUT the
BLOOD covers me – I already have everything freely as I enter by the Blood. Yes
there has been genuine repentance and a new heart with new and right desires
but it is because of the BLOOD. This is the great exchange – my life for Your life because You gave Your life for mine – You
purchased my pardon. You suffered so I would go free – so my sins could be cast
away as far as the east is from the west and remembered no more. I am washed in
the Blood of the Lamb and I go free. I am pardoned. Sin had left a crimson
stain – You washed me white as snow! And Your stripes
were to carry away my sickness. It was necessary so that I could be well. Oh my
Jesus – thank you. I do not receive the cross in vain – to no avail. I await the fruit of Your travail in this
realm. You shall be satisfied and glorified as I am healed by Your stripes – as You make my life Your trophy.
I
have been so drawn by Your love displayed at the Cross
and strengthened by what You have done for me. The surety of Your covenant stands firm in me. Since then I have had physical trials. The night of
the earthquake, my body shook with spasms. I know You are coming to visit and make an end of the enemy’s monument. Although I have
been physically weaker I know nothing has changed concerning Your faithfulness.
This
shaking of everything in the realm of my feelings, understanding, doctrines,
ideas, etc. is good. I am learning to set aside my thoughts and emotions – they
are shifting sand. But I have a solid Rock – my Lord and His Word on which to
stand and it is on this Rock I am to be built. This is the conversion – the
foundation and it is where my new life is built. All my figurings and
understandings of what is happening to me are not solid and not to be clung to.
I have You to cling to – Your person and Your Word –
Your promise and Your oath – Your covenant and Your Blood.
I
have the Blood and I am pardoned. I have the Stripes and I’m healed. I am in
Christ and You have told me of Your deliverance. I
have Your Name. You have caused me to hope in Your Word alone – that is my only
hope. There is salvation in no other name but Jesus. I can do nothing to add to
it – I have everything in You.
I
see this foundation as essential and, although I have known these things, they
are deepening. More of me has been cut off to where I
see more clearly and let go of the thoughts and ideas about what is happening –
to cling to Your Word alone. How much easier it is – no need to figure or take
time to understand – just cling and rely and lean upon my Lord.
I
know I haven’t expressed this very well but at least I got it down. You miraculously healed Big Boy (parakeet)
after he was torn open in a fight with Sunshine. You had already healed Pixie
(finch) when she was egg-bound. I ask You to heal
I
don’t understand Valerie – after Your healing she now has the surgery – I don’t
even know how to pray – I commit her to Your mercy and faithfulness.
My
desires to see Mom healed while she is here is great and I ask You to do it in
Jesus’ Name.
December 3, 1987
I
have been very aware of my own lack, failure and weakness. Every way I turn I
am unable. I have been beset by worries and fears and confused as to what to do
or where to stand. I see the old patterns wanting me back and I feel helpless
against them. I don’t know even what my stance should be about drugs, flu shot,
doctors, etc. I am powerless and yet I know Your Word is true even if I am
unable to experience it now. Somehow deep within me, in spite of the
depression, failure, crushed hopes and expectations, is still have a great hope
– it is You. You are greater than all my doubts and
fears – greater than my heart, any enemy, my failure. Your love and protection
is mine – nothing can stop it from coming to me, not even my own failure and
confusion. Your covenant stands firm whether I am weak or strong. What I think
– even what the enemy sees me thinking and doing in my weakness – cannot stop Your love and deliverance from coming to me.
Nothing
my enemies do and nothing the flesh does – if I am overtaken – this does not
stop You or affect Your nature and Your promises. I am
nothing and can do nothing. If I am strong it is Your strength. Whatever good I have is Yours and without it
I am wretched. But Your faithfulness is not dependant
on my doing and being – the enemy is too much for me but not for You. My hope
is totally in You – not in my expectations, faith,
strength, success or any other circumstance. If I totally fall, You are still Lord and Your Word is still sure. All the
fears and worries that come upon me, some of which I have crumbled under,
cannot prevail in the end for You have said they
won’t. I do not feel it or see it. I am tempted and distressed on every side
and very weak but in my heart burns the hope of my God who has promised to
deliver me.
I
have no understanding of the way that I take – only what my mind has figured
out and this I cannot be sure of. I have only Your Word, which cannot crumble,
and in this I have everything for Your Word is all I really need. This is all I
know for a fact. I don’t need to fight so hard to be strong. I can only be what You make me to be. I can rest in Your arms of love.
December 11, 1987
Physically,
I have been worse than ever since You started healing
me. At times I have totally given in to it – buckling emotionally and falling
prey to self pity, jealousies, coveting the health and strength and life of
others, worry, etc. And yet even the failings of my flesh do not shock me or
dismay me concerning the ultimate end which is Your doing. Something in me has a hold on You which does
not depend on me at all – does not need my strength or understanding or even
good feelings or consistently good actions. Although I am grieved and repentant
when I fall it does not cause hope to be lost at all for the hope I have is in You and You alone. I will always fall unless You pick me up and give me strength – I am totally
dependant. I do see the need of constant communion to guard my soul from these
lapses but my spirit is somewhere higher where even these lapses do not
disturb. There is a constancy of spirit being birthed that is truly separate
and apart from my soul causing me to be able to see and acknowledge the
activity of my soul but count it as nothing and put it off. At times this knowledge
has actually cut off the soul activity before it got any real start as I see it
as useless and wasteful and I refuse to indulge it when it is of no value at
all. Other times I have weakened under it and given it vent but my spirit has
always subdued it in the end. Yes, You are master over
all and nothing can separate me from Your love and Lordship – not myself or the
world or the enemy. Whatever happens can only be working towards Your good plan for me in the end. I may feel discouraged or
disappointed but that does not stop Your work. And yet
I realize the need to be aware of the enemy’s tricks that I not be fooled by
them. This is where we often fall because of acknowledging Your goodness alone. We stop short and fail to see Your discipline and training – we accept what the enemy does as Your desire for us
rather than Your training of us as soldiers. We fail to resist or fight or
learn but sit down in a complacent way. How wrong this is. We must continuously
discern. Now this does not mean You do not allow these
things for our good and have a good purpose – of course not. But if we fail to
seek You for that purpose and accept the evil as Your
ultimate desire we are blind indeed. We must know Your nature and Your will and press on against any obstacle knowing we are safe
because You are supreme and Lord of our lives and yet learning what You would
want to teach us through these various trials. To do anything else is to give
up and shrink back. We must grow to be discerning and aware spiritually and how
else than by facing the enemy - God must allow it. But to fail to see this is
to fall into the enemy’s snares – it is a lack of diligence in our walk with
God and a lack of zeal for His will and His Kingdom. If we do not ask, seek and
knock we will not receive, find and have the way opened. Let us not be so
shortsighted and coveting our ease to accept everything that comes with no
questions or seeking of God’s will. The Lord wants us to seek deliverance with
all our heart – to discern Hiswill and provision for
it – to develop our faith. If adverse circumstances do not come this cannot
happen and if we accept every situation as God’s will we will not find the way
out. We must seek Him, not the way out or even the grace to remain in but Him.
We must know Him and His will. We are to be trained by Him. We must accept this
and begin to see it.
Since
realizing the truth of the stripes and seeing the Lord’s desire I have been in
a deep battle area. In thinking about it, I am made aware that we are beset and
surrounded by many powerful enemies who would want only to destroy God’s
purposes in our lives. I have been attacked on every side and have often come
away disappointed or blaming God. But I realize He is doing something great in
allowing this. For not only does this cause my faith to grow but it is His
means of destroying the works of the enemy and putting them under His feet. God
forbid that I accept what has happened as God’s will for my life (I mean
ultimate will) because I do not want to persevere – it is much easier to stop
and rest and the enemy will back off and we will never see God’s glory. As we
overcome them through our perseverance – the blood of the Lamb, our testimony –
holding fast to God’s Word in spite of what we see – laying down our lives to see
it through – not stopping short of the goal – this is the overcoming – this
tears down strongholds – it affects the very spiritual realm – it brings God’s
will to earth and makes it manifest here. The enemy’s own devices are a foil to
him – they are his downfall. He presses in more and more and then is taken by
God who waits for the ripe moment to intervene and deliver. Meanwhile the
perseverance draws more and more of the enemy into the battle – thus more are
destroyed in the end. We see this in the battles of old – how God allowed the
enemy many victories – allowed them to build their confidence in themselves –
allowed them to threaten and close in and then turned on them and destroyed
them through the faith of His people.
Now
what if the people just laid down to the enemy because
they knew everything was allowed by God for a purpose – where then would be the
deliverance? God’s purposes must be known – the circumstance is never the end
in itself. We cannot just accept it – we must discern. The Body has been fooled
into being lazy in an effort for an easy way. We have accepted and submitted to
all sort of attacks, which were meant to train us, to motivate us and to make
us partaker of the victory of Jesus Christ. Instead we have languished and
explained away everything and allowed ourselves to be plundered and robbed. We
have accepted the enemy’s rule and explained it away as God’s will, attributing
to Him as His will what was meant to train us and mold us and strengthen us. It
is a sad state we are in.
And now as we begin to rise up and lay hold of Him there are many enemy strongholds. But that is not to stop us for He is bigger than them all and He will cause us to tear them down by our holding on for His deliverance at the right moment, which is known by Him. We must not give up or shrink back or even worse blame Him for the state we are in. Let us lay hold of Him – He is waiting for that. He longs to deliver and heal and make strong His people. His eyes are ever scanning the earth for those whose hearts are perfect towards Him – who want what He wants, who seek to know His will and to lay hold of it – who desire more than anything His Kingdom – who want most of all to apprehend that for which they have been apprehended. Let us lay aside every weight – the apathy, the desire for an eas |